I Hate ChristmasI am not a Scrooge of any sort,
I am glad others are gleeful,
But Christmas for me is no thing of joy.
Christmas is a time of remembrance,
A time of sadness,
A time of regrets.
Two years before,
A sweet little puppy
Brought into our home.
A year passed,
And there were some problems.
She was brought back to the shelter.
And now this year,
She is gone.
She has gone not just from our home,
But from the world.
A single phone call may have saved her.
A phone call I should have made.
I bet she walked into that room wagging her tail,
But of course it lay still on her way out.
NTVZD: Going Back to SchoolNathaniel decided to finally get a college education. He had been putting it off for years, but only recently had it begun affecting job opportunities. When interviewing for a job they would look through his Hello Kitty folder of important documents and then ask him to leave. They all stopped at the same point; his death certificate. Obviously this meant they knew that if he had a college degree it would be before his death certificate and after the drawing he did in kindergarten that his mother had put on the fridge. He began applying to colleges that he assumed wouldn't be too hard to get into. Everyone had heard of them, and they weren't even in a division. They were called "ivy" schools and Nathaniel, being a vegetarian, felt any one of them would be a perfect fit. He mailed his applications and after a month finally opened his mailbox. He had a lot of junk mail, but he also had a reply from all the colleges he had applied to. He chose to take this as a good sign. Sadly, they were
NTVZD: To Mow or Not to MowNathaniel was tired of cutting his grass by eating it. Especially since he became a zombie and had no need for food. Even when he was alive, he had been more of a leaf-eater. He decided it was time to invest in a lawnmower. He went to the local lawnmower shop to buy one, but when he arrived he found he was unable to fit through the doorway. The store owner saw his dilemma and wanted to help, but most of the lawnmowers were either too heavy to bring out to him or chained to the floor to keep from being stolen, as there was a recently formed gang that stole self-propelled lawnmowers and sold them on the black market. Being unable to help Nathaniel, the storekeeper told him about a large store the next town over which had an entrance large enough for a Stegosaurus to fit through. Nathaniel was excited that he would finally fit into a building other than his girlfriend Nelly's house, but he had no way of travelling to another town because he didn't have his driver's license. There weren't
NTVZD: A New MayorIt had been a while since Nathaniel's town had elected a new mayor. The mayor rarely did anything, and few people knew the town even had a mayor. He had been in office for 32 years, because everyone was too lazy to set up an election. Some people were bored one day, and set one up. For a while there were only two people running; a 12 year old boy named Caleb, and an old woman who thought she was going to be president of the bingo club she frequented. The current mayor had no idea there was going to be an election, so he wasn't running. Nathaniel heard about the election, and asked his girlfriend Nelly to help him run. She had a friend who worked at a printing company, so posters were printed and nailed on the trees in Nathaniel's backyard. The mayor passed Nathaniel's plot of land while on a brisk stroll, and saw the posters. Realizing what was going on, he quickly began his campaign. The day to give speeches soon arrived and the 4 candidates were lined up. The old woman talked about h
Nathaniel the Vegetarian Zombie-DinosaurPoor Nathaniel was over 93 centuries old and he still didn't have his driver's license. He had managed to pass the test to get his learner's permit by taking it when it was first created, but he never could pass the driving test. It might have had to do with the fact that he was unable to firmly grasp the wheel. It's also possible that it was affected by his inability to fit in a car. The workers at the DMV were tired of him trying to take the driving test, but they weren't allowed to turn him away. On his 3,852nd attempt at the test, however, they injected him with a substance they'd created a few days earlier. Their aim was to turn Nathaniel human, so he wouldn't destroy every car he tried to enter. The substance failed to work and Nathaniel remained a Stegosaurus. It killed him as well. The DMV had no clue how they were going to hide such a large body, but eventually decided to stick him in a bin at the nuclear waste facility. The bin was mostly clean, but had trace amounts of nucle
The Zombie-MakerThe zombie-maker exposed the corpse inside the freshly unearthed coffin, and grabbing its arm pulled it upright. The eyes opened, and it allowed itself to be led out of its wooden casing. It walked unsteadily, but with some aid was on its way back to the zombie-maker's house. He had died that same day, after an argument with his brother. If he had been able to think for himself he may have recognized it was his brother who had the zombie-maker. The zombie-maker had created 17 other zombies. There had been a few others who had not received the correct amount of the powder and could not be awakened. The now 18 zombies were fed zombie cucumber to keep them under his control, and were put to work cultivating their own enslavement.
On the outside, he appeared to be any other voodoo zombie-maker, but he had plans to change that. First he must dispose of the other zombie-makers. This would force one to turn to him should they need a favor, and there would be noone with m
LolwutOnce upon a time, there was a young boy named Leslie who always dreamed of becoming the world's best flower shop owner. He trained every day for 836.2 hours in order to beat his rival, The Confounded Menace. The day of the big competition arrived, and Leslie came armed with a trombone and his unstoppable determination. They were pitted against each other in a battle of wits, and Leslie emerged as the unassuming victor! His achievement is celebrated every Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.